


At Home With Victor

by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, SesshomaruFreak, Spunky0ne



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, References to Molestation, Victor's family - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-01-22 20:53:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21308447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl/pseuds/ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SesshomaruFreak/pseuds/SesshomaruFreak, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spunky0ne/pseuds/Spunky0ne
Summary: After the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri and Victor pack their things and move to Saint Petersburg together. What will happen when a curious Yuuri Katsuki begins to dip beneath the smiling surface of the world's hottest bachelor? It all begins with the simplest of questions that leads to a search that Victor had never planned to make. Who knows what he will find at the end of it?
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 18
Kudos: 44





	1. Ties

Yuuri's heart was still racing, skipping and pounding with happiness as he felt Victor's arm wrap around him, and the silvery-haired Russian nuzzled his cheek.

"We should get going," he suggested, "You are hungry, _da_? After that performance, you should be. You were wonderful tonight, Yuuri."

He touched his fingertips to the pretty silver medal that hung around his student's neck.

"I would have won if I hadn't fallen on that quad flip at the end," Yuuri chuckled.

Victor gave him a look of pure joy at the memory.

"Even with an imperfect landing, you took everyone's breath away, especially mine. I was worried after I was so stupid and hurt you with what I said before…"

"I told you it's okay," Yuuri assured him.

"No, it's not," Victor insisted, "As your coach, it's my job to inspire you and to guide you, not to cause you more grief than you already have."

"Hey," Yuuri said, taking hold of Victor's arm and looking up into the Russian skater's guilty eyes, "I said it's all right. I made the podium. I'm still in this."

Victor nodded.

"We have to focus on the Rostelecom Cup now…"

"Huh, do you mind if we eat dinner first?" Yuuri giggled, "I'm really hungry."

Victor gave him a charming grin and a wink.

"Say no more! I've got you."

The two said goodbye to their friends, then left the rink and headed to a nearby restaurant. Being in the throes of happiness over his silver medal and knowing there were a few weeks before the Rostelecom Cup, Yuuri lowered his guard and ate and drank heavily with his effervescent partner. Eating and drinking gave way to dancing, and as they danced, Yuuri breathed in Victor's scent that only seemed more attractive the more drunk and sweaty from dancing the Russian became. It was late into the night when the two quit the bar and grill and rode back to their hotel.

Yuuri felt a little quiver in his belly, thinking back to how it had felt when Victor had rewarded him for his performance by tackling and kissing him right on the ice in front of everyone.

_It was amazing! Victor's eyes and expression looked so hungry and his lips felt so soft, so warm…_

His heart skipped as he caught Victor looking at him while the elevator carried them up to their floor, and he blushed.

"What's wrong?" Victor asked, moving closer to him and nuzzling his cheek, "You weren't so shy earlier, when you surprised me with that quad flip and made me lose it and tackle kiss you in front of everyone."

He paused, and Yuuri felt his heart flutter at the suddenly anxious look his usually very confident partner gave him.

"You don't think your parents will dislike me now, do you, Yuuri?" Victor asked more tentatively.

"Are you kidding me?" Yuuri laughed, wrapping his arms around the taller man and hugging him tightly, "My parents love you, Victor. They have since you first came to Hasetsu."

"But, I am a man who loves their son," Victor pointed out.

"Yeah," Yuuri said, looking amused, "I don't think that's a surprise to them, since you've kinda been acting like you were in love with me since the moment you arrived, even though you barely knew me."

"I know you now," Victor said as they left the elevator and walked to the door of their hotel room, "and…I would like to know you better, Yuu-ri."

He pushed Yuuri up against the door and kissed him with liquor flavored lips and a sweet, probing tongue.

“Is that something that you want too?” he purred into the Japanese man’s flushed ear, kissing the soft lobe, then brushing his lips on Yuuri’s vulnerable throat.

"Mmph! We should mmmm…go inside," Yuuri managed, slipping the card key out of his pocket and releasing the lock on the door.

He reached behind and opened the door, while Victor continued to kiss him. As the door opened, the two fell through and tumbled to the floor. Victor giggled and kicked the door closed, then he crawled on top of his slighter partner and looked down into Yuuri's eyes.

"Do you trust me, Yuuri?"

Yuuri felt his heart pounding, hearing the rush in his ears.

"Yes, Vitya. I trust you...with _everything_."

“And it makes you happy now, when I kiss you and touch you?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri answered breathlessly, “it makes me really, really happy.”

Victor smiled, kissing the younger man as his hands first ran over Yuuri's body on top of his clothes, then gently slid under his jacket and shirt. Yuuri's breath hitched at the tender touch. It never crossed his mind to stop Victor, and he allowed his own hands to work at the buttons of the Russian's shirt. Where Victor's fingers felt nimble and graceful on his skin, his own fingers felt clumsy and awkward.

_Stop that! You're thinking too much again! _he scolded himself.

Yuuri sucked in a breath, feeling lightheaded as his coach's warm mouth left his to explore his throat. He got the last button undone and pushed the shirt off of Victor's muscular shoulders. He realized his hands were trembling as they ran over sleek, firm curves, and that he was breathing a bit fast. Unsure if he was more excited or nervous, or a whole lotta both, he buried his face in Victor's neck. He heard his soon-to-be lover's voice, murmuring in Russian in his ear. Yuuri didn't understand the words, but the older man's intent to calm him was clear. He felt his muscles relax, his trembling easing up.

The soft, foreign chant of sweet nothings warmed his ear as Victor's gentle hands slid down to the waistband of his pants. He was embarrassingly hard, but as the taller man shifted against him, it was obvious the feeling was mutual. Wanting to help, Yuuri reached for Victor's pants, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping them. He boldly slid a hand in, wrapping it around the hot, hard arousal he found there.

Victor made a sexy, sighing sound into his ear, thrusting his cock lightly against Yuuri’s hand.

Yuuri realized he wasn't quite sure what to do, but Victor's hand went down his pants and began stroking his erection. Copying the action, he started stroking the member he held, blushing at the weight of the hot organ in his hand. His coach made that sexy sound again, gently tugging his pants down. Yuuri helped as much as he could, then pushed at Victor's pants. Victor divested himself of the garment, then sat back, seemingly admiring him.

Yuuri blushed deeply, unaccustomed to this. Thousands of people watching him skate didn't compare to the sheer _intimacy_ of Victor gazing at him right now, both of them in their underwear with their hands on each other.

Victor's gaze was soft, his voice even softer.

"Yuuri, you're beautiful. You should know, you are my first male lover. I've never been truly intimate with another man."

Yuuri blinked at the tender confession.

"That's ok, you're my first too."

This seemed to please the older man to no end; he gave a bright drunken grin.

"That is good, my Yuuri. I’m glad."

Yuuri giggled as Victor leaned down and began trailing kisses down his chest and abs, pausing to tease his erect nipples, then to dip his tongue in Yuuri’s navel. It tickled, yet was surprisingly arousing. As his partner continued the loving assault downward, his thick, leaking penis moved out of reach, leaving Yuuri empty-handed. He ran his fingers through the silky silvery hair of the Russian, whose warm lips and mouth wrapped suddenly around his cock and slid down, then up again as Victor sucked him.

Yuuri gasped, burying both hands in Victor's hair, but was careful not to push down. He could have stayed there like that forever, watching his coach’s blissful expression as Victor’s hot, wet lips and mouth and tongue worked at his throbbing cock, making his head spin and his heart twinge with an ache to take things even further.

_So this is what it is to give in to the needs of the body for physical love to match the love in our hearts. I showed Victor all of my love on the ice tonight, and I seduced him and made him want me this way. I told Victor before that I wanted him to be who he is…and now? Victor is the man who loves me with his deepest heart, his whole mind and his beautiful body!_

He couldn’t quite help pulling a little on the bits of hair that his fingers had entangled to make Victor’s mouth disengage with his alert penis and return to his lips, where he could then taste the mingling of their flavors. The scent and the wetness drove him into a deeper frenzy and he wrapped his legs around Victor’s slim torso, rubbing his wet cock against his handsome partner’s as he attacked Victor’s mouth with a flurry of voracious kisses. He flushed brightly, trying to make his voice sound to ask Victor to do more, but all that could escape him was a long, shuddering groan that sounded so lurid, he would have died of embarrassment if he hadn’t been so determined to keep kissing Victor’s warm, smiling mouth.

_I want so bad for him to fuck me. Every fiber of my body is calling out for Victor to put his cock inside me. But, I can’t…say that out loud._

_Victor…_

_Victor…_

_Vitya, please enter me?_

He heard himself whimper and was so embarrassed that he was afraid to look the other man in the eyes. But just as he felt he might never be able to meet his beautiful coach’s gaze again, Victor’s hand captured Yuuri’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Did that sound mean that I hurt you?” Victor whispered, caressing his cheek, “Or did it mean that Yuuri wants me to continue?”

He took a small reprieve by burying his face in the Russian’s pale throat and strong shoulder. But he knew that Victor was waiting for his answer, so he closed his eyes tightly for a moment and forced the words out.

“I want…I want you to continue, Vitya. I want to go all of the way with you. I want you…to make love to me.”

Even before he regained the courage to open his eyes and to look at Victor’s face again, he felt the blessed warmth and happiness of the Russian’s expression touch him, then Victor’s widely smiling mouth kissed him.

“Your wish is my command,” Victor laughed, pulling Yuuri across the floor, to the bed.

They crawled onto it, still kissing, and Yuuri climbed onto Victor’s lap, blushing and biting nervously at the Russian’s shoulder as Victor dampened his fingers with saliva then slid them slowly down Yuuri’s back before touching his entrance lightly, sending a shiver through his whole body.

“Are you sure you’re ready, Yuuri?” Victor asked, stroking the puckered skin of his anus very gently.

“Ah…!” Yuuri managed, flushing darkly and quivering in anticipation, “Y-yes!”

“Mmmm, good,” Victor sighed, kissing his lips, then biting down on Yuuri’s throat to distract him as he slid the first finger into his anxious partner, “Try to relax, okay? I won’t hurt you.”

“I know,” Yuuri managed, forcing his breaths to slow and his muscles to loosen, “Go ahead, Vitya.”

Yuuri clung to Victor’s shoulder, panting and shivering as Victor’s wet fingers worked to loosen him for their joining. He was sure that he would never get the blush off his skin after, but he couldn’t stop Victor. He couldn’t stop watching his handsome lover, working his fingers in deeper, then moving them, stroking and stretching him until he could barely hold back from climax, and Victor was forced to wrap a staying hand around his riled penis and tighten to ward of completion for just a little longer.

“V-vitya!” he cried wantonly, arching his back and pushing up against his partner’s pleasuring hand, “Vitya, please!”

He could barely hold his hips still as Victor’s fingers slid out of him, and the Russian laid him on his back, positioning himself between Yuuri’s creamy thighs. His sparkling blue-green eyes enslaved Yuuri’s as he made a slow, careful entry. Yuuri moaned, but forced himself to hold still as inch by inch, Victor pushed his way inside, then he paused, stroking Yuuri’s hair and face as the Japanese man adjusted to the feeling of being so full.

“Are you okay?” Victor asked, “Can I move now?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri panted, “I’m okay.”

His teeth clenched for a moment as Victor began to move, his thrusts at first gentle but then growing gradually faster and harder and deeper, until Yuuri could feel an impact deep within his body, one that first felt enthralling, then beyond delightful, then like it was going to take away his sanity. Desperate for the feeling to continue, he bucked his hips upward, calling out Victor’s nickname. Victor answered with harder, faster thrusts and Yuuri could feel Victor’s muscles tighten and that slender, strong body working hard to bring the two of them to climax. Yuuri’s fingers dug into Victor’s shoulders, then he slid his nails down the length of the Russian’s long back, making Victor growl and quicken the pace even more, until the two reached the ends of their endurance and exploded into orgasm together. Yuuri could have died from embarrassment at the sounds that he was making, but Victor’s voice, too, was sounding, and was so sexy and so happy, that Yuuri forgot everything else and let himself sink into the wonderful feeling of Victor’s hot seed filling him inside. Victor’s body collapsed onto his, and the Russian could barely lift his head to give Yuuri a few more affectionate kisses before he went still, closing his eyes and dozing contentedly while still buried in Yuuri’s depths.

“Yuuri,” Victor whispered sleepily, “are you sure that your parents won’t hate me for doing this to you? For perverting you and making you love another man instead of a woman?”

“Don’t be silly,” Yuuri chided him, running his fingers lazily through his lover’s soft hair, “You didn’t pervert me. I always loved Victor…from the first time I saw him skate…til now. I’m glad that Victor found it in his heart to love me back.”

Victor’s breath caught and he was quick to hide his face in Yuuri’s shoulder as his happiness overwhelmed him and a tear escaped the corner of one pretty eye.

“Why are you so worried about what my family thinks, anyway?”

He didn’t mean it to be a deep question, but Yuuri sensed right away the sudden tension in Victor’s body as he answered.

“I love Yuuri’s family. They have been so good to me, ever since I arrived so suddenly in Hasetsu. Hasetsu was already a beautiful, magical place, but now Hasetsu and your family feel like…”

“Like what?” Yuuri asked, slipping his fingers under Victor’s chin to make their eyes meet.

“L-like…I belong with them,” Victor confessed, his look of vulnerability melting Yuuri’s heart.

“You do belong with us,” Yuuri answered, petting Victor’s hair and kissing him again, “You’re part of my family too now.”

He felt the little jolt that went through Victor’s body and froze at the sweet, happy and at the same time, tormented look that erupted onto Victor’s handsome face.

“Vitya?”

Then, it hit him.

_Before being discovered for his skating talent, Victor lived in a boy’s shelter in Moscow…so…being part of a family is a really big deal for Victor._

Yuuri’s fingers and hands moved, caressing Victor’s sweaty back and soft bottom as the Russian skater worked to regain his composure. He rubbed at his eyes for a moment, then managed a shaky smile.

“Thank you, Yuuri. That really means a lot to me,” Victor said finally.

“You mean a lot to me and my family too,” Yuuri assured him, “When you came to Haestsu, you changed everything for us.”

“You changed everything for me too,” Victor sighed, “I never…really had a family, not one I remember.”

Yuuri blinked and looked into Victor’s damp eyes.

“What happened with your family, Vitya?” he asked.

Victor closed his eyes and his head dropped onto Yuuri’s shoulder again.

“I don’t know,” he answered, shifting uneasily, “Yuuri, it’s late now. Let’s go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

Victor gently extracted his now flaccid penis from Yuuri’s body, then curled his body around the Japanese man’s and burrowed his face into the back of Yuuri’s shoulder.

“S-sorry,” Yuuri apologized, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” Victor yawned sleepily, “I just don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe another time, okay, Yuuri?”

Okay,” Yuuri answered, closing his eyes and sinking into Victor’s embrace, “when you do feel like talking about it, we will.”

“We will,” Victor whispered back as he began to drift off, “I promise.”


	2. The Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri return to Saint Petersburg, and Yuuri is finally able to question his fiancé about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mention of child abuse, but no description. 
> 
> **Thanks so much to my sweet Sesh! You are the best collab partner EVER!

** _Hi, I'm Yuuri Katsuki. At twenty-four, I am the silver medalist of the recent Grand Prix Final, and I'm also the boyfriend…erm, fiancé of Russian legend, Victor Nikiforov. After the final, Victor and I returned to Japan to pack our things, then we flew to Russia and I moved into Victor's home in Saint Petersburg. The next few months were hectic as Victor made his return to skating at the Russian nationals, while I flew home to compete at the Japanese nationals. We had to separate again for the European championships and Four Continents competition, then we finally competed at worlds, where Victor won a sixth gold medal, while I took silver and Yurio won the bronze medal. The season is over now, and finally Victor and I can go back to Saint Petersburg to relax and take a much needed vacation before starting the next new season together. With things being more calm, there's been something on my mind. It's a question that I asked Victor while we were in China, after the first time we made love. He had kind of a weird reaction when I asked him, so I respected his request that I wait and ask him again another time. I've waited for months for the season to end so that I could ask again. Finally, it's time. I wonder what Victor's answer to my question will be._ **

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Yuuri, maybe we should go to Japan to see your family," Victor suggested as the two sat, eating a quiet breakfast in the kitchen of their Saint Petersburg home.

Yuuri frowned curiously, tilting his head as Maccachin thumped his tail on the floor and copied him.

"But I was just recently home for the nationals and for the Four Continents."

"Well, _I _haven't been to Japan since we separated after the Grand Prix Finals back in December," Victor reminded him.

"That's true," Yuuri agreed, glancing at Macca and dropping a bit of his food on the floor.

The old poodle moved with surprising swiftness to snatch up the tasty nibble.

"I guess we can go to Japan if you want. We were talking about when and where to get married. We could work more on our plans, now that we have more time."

Victor giggled and narrowed his eyes.

"Although, I don't know if I should marry you when you didn't win gold at worlds."

"Hey!" Yuuri objected, "I thought you said that my golds from the Japanese nationals and Four Continents counted, especially since I beat JJ again, even though he scored a personal best!"

"Well, yes, you did win gold and you did beat JJ skating at his best…but you didn't match your world record free skate," Victor teased him.

"Yeah? Maybe because my coach wasn't there either time."

"Yes," Victor sighed, "there is that. I wish I could have been there for those wins."

Yuuri leaned over and gave him a kiss on one soft cheek.

"It's okay," he said reassuringly, "I know it's hard for you too when we have to be apart for competitions."

"It is," Victor agreed, "You know how much I love to watch you skate."

Victor glanced down at his watch, then gave Yuuri a little nod.

"Speaking of which, we should be going to the rink."

The two left the house with Maccachin on their heels, and they jogged to where Yurio waited for them, halfway across the bridge where they met every skating day.

"Hey Victor, pork cutlet bowl," the younger Russian greeted them.

Macca barked and nuzzled his hand.

"Yeah, you too," Yurio said, looking amused as he petted the old poodle.

The three continued on, and reached the ice rink several minutes later, then Yurio headed to the far end of the rink to begin his training. Yuuri met with a weight training instructor then a ballet instructor while Victor warmed up and trained with Yakov watching. At midday, after a break for lunch, Yuuri skated with Victor coaching him. Throughout the long day, Yuuri's eyes kept falling on his handsome fiancé, and he wondered continuously if he was ever going to learn more about Victor's mysterious past.

_He did say that I should ask him again when things weren't so busy. Things are still busy, but they're less busy since we're in the off season. Maybe I should ask him again tonight._

"Yuuri, mind your free leg!" Victor scolded him, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry!"

He returned his attention to his training for the rest of the session, only remembering his curiosity again as the two removed their skates and prepared to leave the rink. He started to ask, then thought that maybe he needed to find a more private time, but when his fiancé suggested dinner at a dance club, he was quickly distracted away from the question. They took Macca home and showered and changed their clothes, then headed to the club together.

After the two had finished eating, Victor coaxed him onto the dance floor, and Yuuri couldn't resist. He lost himself in Victor's charming smile and deep, blue-green eyes, cuddling close to him for the slow dances and swinging away during the faster ones. And all through the evening, their glasses were filled and refilled, until the two staggered out of the club in the very early hours of the morning, heading for home. His thinking muddled with drink, he let the question loll off the end of his tongue before he quite realized what he was saying.

"Vitya, eh…hey, you remember when you said you would tell me about, um, more about when you were a kid?" he stammered.

Victor gave him a blank look and shrugged.

"I don't remember, but you know how I forget things," he answered, "What do you want to know? I grew up in an orphanage in Moscow, and I went to the Saint Petersburg skating academy when I was seven years old and a talent scout noticed me."

"Aw, but that's just what everybody knows about you, right?"

"I suppose."

Yuuri turned, stopping the two of them at the edge of little park, a few blocks from their home. Victor blinked slowly, gazing at him sleepily as the bright moonlight flooded their eyes.

"We're going to be married, right?"

"That's right," Victor agreed.

"So, I mean, normally, I wouldn't ask, but married people are supposed to kinda know everything about each other. They don't have any secrets, so…"

"You think I have secrets?" Victor mused, chuckling, "It's kind of hard to keep anything secret when you're a public figure and people and nosy reporters try to find out everything about you, so I don't think I have any big secrets. You already know everything."

He giggled disarmingly.

"After all, Yuuri has secretly stalked me for many years."

"I wasn't _stalking _you!" Yuuri objected, making Victor laugh and hug him.

"I know that. I was teasing you."

"I _admired_ you. I looked up to you. I just wanted to be…you know, beautiful and graceful and popular, like you."

Victor nuzzled into Yuuri's warm scarf, his smile fading and a touch of sadness entering his hidden eyes.

"Then, you came to really know me and you learned the biggest secret I have," he confessed.

"I did?" Yuuri inquired, looking confused, "What secret was that? I don't remember any big secret."

Victor pulled back slightly and looked down quietly into his fiancé's curious brown eyes, curving a soft palm around his cheek.

"You learned that being famous is sometimes lonely."

Yuuri froze for a moment, gazing into Victor's hazy, drunken eyes that somehow looked bright with moonlight, but oddly colored with something darker. His muddled mind worked to make sense of the words.

"Everyone sees the _best face_ that your coaches and mentors teach you to wear so that people will like you and look up to you, but that's not really you. And when no one is looking, you start to realize that what you really were wasn't good enough, and no one wanted that. No one, when I was growing more and more famous, ever asked to see that. Never. Not until I came to Hasetsu, willing to sell my soul, to be literally _anything you wanted, anything you needed_ to help you grow into the skater you had the potential to be. Then, when I was sitting there, wondering what you would ask me to be, you ask for the one thing no one else wanted."

Yuuri shook his head, his confusion deepening.

"What do you mean, Vitya?" he asked, frowning, "Why do you think no one wants to see who you really are?"

Victor gave a little sigh and kissed him on the tip of his chilly nose.

"Because everyone wants to think that famous people are neat, tidy and have it all together. They want to think that success is like that, and if you have it, you will be neat and tidy like that. But, the truth is, people are always in some ways messy. I am a talented skater and I've learned to charm people, Yuuri, but I am also spoiled from being rich, lazy about everything but my skating. I drink too much. I…I am afraid of the dark…of being alone. See? That isn't what people want, and it's not something to look up to. People are just messy and no one wants to know that."

Yuuri chuckled and pulled Victor's frowning face down close to his, still looking into Victor's pretty, confused eyes.

"You know what I think?" he asked.

Victor blinked and stared at him silently for a moment.

"No, I haven't got a clue."

Yuuri's lips and mouth found his and warmed them with a long, passionate kiss.

"I'm glad you're messy."

"Really?" Victor asked, only half believing his ears, "Why is that?"

Yuuri snickered.

"Because it means that it's okay for me to be messy too."

A slow smile blossomed on Victor's handsome face and the bright twinkle returned to his eyes. He giggled and wrapped an arm around his slighter fiancé, turning him towards home.

"You know, you shouldn't say things like that to me in public places, Yuuri," he complained in a playful tone.

"Why not?"

"Because, when you say things like that, I want to tackle you and kiss you."

"You've done that on national TV, remember?"

"Mmhmm," Victor laughed, "but then, I want to make love to you, and that would be awkward out here in the cold."

"Not to mention, illegal."

"That's right. You should stop being so cute in public or you are going to overcome me with your charms and get me arrested, Yuuri."

Yuuri laughed and burrowed under Victor's arm as they walked the rest of the way home.

"Okay, but I can be cute and overcome you at home, right?"

"Mmhmm, as often as possible, please."

Full and happy and tired, Yuuri followed Victor into their house and they smiled and petted the old poodle that met them at the front door. Victor turned and trapped Yuuri against the wall, nuzzling his cheek and nipping at a cold, red earlobe.

"Aren't you tired?" Yuuri asked, "We have to be up in a few hours."

"I know, but you smell so good."

"I smell like you, because we've been hanging all over each other all night."

"Now, I want Yuuri to climb all over me," Victor teased him, licking his earlobe, then running his tongue along Yuuri's throat, making the pale skin blush, "You said to be myself, right?"

"I…erm…might've said that, but…"

"Ah, no buts," Victor chided him, pressing up against him and grinding against him as he kissed Yuuri on the mouth, "You said it was okay to be messy, right?"

Yuuri's breath caught and he closed his eyes as Victor's hand slid into his pants and wrapped around his almost embarrassingly reactive penis.

"V-Vitya!" he panted, thrusting into the hand that was stroking him.

"Are you too tired?" Victor asked, pressing up harder against him and caressing his blushing cock teasingly, "It's okay if you are. I'll stop."

"Mmm, n-no!" Yuuri groaned, thrusting more insistently.

The two stumbled out of the entry, exchanging hot, wet kisses and shedding clothing all of the way. They collapsed onto the bed together and Victor rolled onto his back, spreading his soft thighs invitingly and exposing his damp, swollen erection.

"You want to know my deepest, darkest secrets, Yuuri?" Victor chuckled, reaching over to dig a bottle of lubricant out of the nightstand, "Come, I will show you."

Yuuri watched, mesmerized as his beautiful fiancé dampened his own fingers, then very slowly traced all of the way around his puckered anus, dipping inside, then he added a second finger, keeping his eyes on Yuuri’s impassioned face as he slid the wet digits in and out, scissoring them, then pushing in deep and groaning erotically. His already throbbing cock thickened and leaked desirously as Victor moaned and writhed, teasing Yuuri shamelessly, until he could take no more. He climbed on top of the only half-surprised Russian, sinking his hot thickness into Victor's achingly lovely white ass in short, impatient thrusts and he could barely hold himself still as his lover adjusted. Then, he just couldn't push in deep enough, or thrust fast enough, or fuck his pretty fiancé hard enough to show his appreciation for the absolute mess called Victor Nikiforov.

Victor gasped in delight and spread his thighs wider, welcoming each bruising collision of their bodies. His fingers dug into Yuuri's shoulders and his hips rose up to meet Yuuri's each time, bringing the two of them swiftly to a thunderous climax. Yuuri pushed his length in as deeply as he could, panting hard and marveling at the happy, sated look on Victor's face as Yuuri shuddered, releasing his seed in scathing spurts, warming him inside.

"Love you, Vitya," he sighed, collapsing on the Russian's sweaty chest and burrowing into his shoulder.

"Love you too, _solnyshko_," Victor replied sleepily.

The two drifted towards sleep, but just before dropping off, the question that had burned in Yuuri's mind all day returned to nag at him again.

"Vitya?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you how you came to be at the orphanage? What happened with your family?"

Victor gazed past him to look out at the setting moon.

"Ah…"

"I'm sorry," Yuuri apologized, "It's okay if you don't feel like talking about it."

"But, the more I don't talk about it, the more Yuuri will wonder about it. It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's that I don't know exactly."

He sat up slowly, bringing his curious fiancé with him, then he pulled Yuuri to his shoulder.

"The papers they showed me when I was old enough to ask, said that I was abandoned," Victor explained.

"But…you don't think that's true?"

"I don't know," Victor confessed softly, his heart quickening as he paused to think, then he climbed out of the bed, ignoring his nakedness as he walked to the closet and dug through one of the boxes on the shelf. He returned to the bed, carrying a bit of newspaper. Yuuri turned on the light and gazed down at the words written in Russian on the yellowed newsprint.

"What does it say, Vitya?" he asked anxiously.

Victor bit his lip gently.

"Can you promise me that you will tell no one about this?" he asked softly.

"Of course," Yuuri promised, "I won't say anything without your permission."

"Okay, I stole this from an old newspaper, years ago, when I heard one of the caretakers at the orphanage talking about some of the orphans there. It says _Moscow Child Trafficking Ringleaders Sentenced_."

Yuuri's breath froze in his chest and he stared in shock at Victor's pale face.

"The group was around for many years, abducting and buying babies and children, grooming them to be submissive and to do whatever they were told. They were later sold out from the group to all kinds of people to be exploited in unimaginable ways. Some were kept by their captors and trained to lure other children to the group."

"That's terrible!"

"Yuuri," Victor continued, "the article said that no children were found alive when the group was busted and the ringleaders were arrested, but what I heard made me think that's not true. I would have been just a baby at the time."

His words stopped and his face paled further.

"I don't know if I was one of them. I just know that the children weren't all dead, like the articles about this all claim."

"But why…?"

"I overheard the caretaker say that the survivors were brought in secretly, and that they never tried to find the parents."

"Oh my god, Vitya!" Yuuri gasped, taking hold of Victor's arm and staring at the words, even though he couldn't read them, "That's awful!"

"They thought that…after what some of the children had been through, it was better for them to forget, or with the babies, never to know who they were. And for the parents of the abducted children, never knowing was better than knowing the truth. Also, there were some parents who sold their children to the ring, because their families were starving, and they were told that the children would be well taken care of. They would have been horrified to know who was really behind the purchases. So…what I told you before is true. I don't know who my family is. I'm not completely sure that I am one of the children, though I suspect so, because I noticed that caretaker looking at me strangely sometimes. I've never had any memory of anything like what was described happening. I would have been too young to recall. If I am one of the children, I don't know if I was abducted or if I was sold. Do you see why I don't talk about it?"

"Yeah," Yuuri said, shaking his head in dark wonder, "I guess if it was me, I would feel the same way as you. I don't know if I'd want to know, either."

"For a long time, I thought that it was better not to know," Victor went on, "but when I met your family, I started to wonder. If I was sold, I have no problem never knowing who sold me to them. But, if I was abducted, then maybe good people…maybe people as good and kind as your mother and father and sister, might be hurting because they don't know where I am. When I think of that, I want to do something, but I don't know what I can do. I really don't know if I should do anything. I don't know what's the right thing to do, Yuuri."

Yuuri pulled away slightly and looked into Victor's stormy, troubled eyes.

"I don't know either," he sighed, "but I'm glad that you told me."

"Me too," Victor said, giving him a sad smile, "Forever, I've been alone in knowing this and not knowing what to do. I still don't know what to do, but…it's comforting knowing that you know. I don't feel all alone with it."

"Right," Yuuri said, cuddling up to his fiancé as the two laid down and Victor turned off the light, "Thanks for telling me."

Yuuri watched as Victor drifted off to sleep, then he snuggled closer and closed his eyes.

_I almost wish now that I hadn't asked him. The situation is so complicated and there are a million different ways this could end badly if Victor pursues it._

_So…why does it feel to me like Victor really needs to know the truth?_

_Is that me overstepping? Is it something in Victor that's crying out for it? What's making me feel this way?_

_I guess it doesn't matter. This is Victor's secret to do with as he wishes. I only hope that whatever he decides about it, that he makes peace with it._


	3. The Man you see in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor struggles with what to do about his mysterious past.

**My name is Victor Nikiforov and I am known as the abandoned boy who grew up to be a figure skating legend and the world's hottest bachelor. To a lot of people it is an inspirational story, but truth be told, I don't know how much of that is true. But success has taught me that no one really troubles themselves with truth. It is all about image. From the moment my raw talent in skating was spotted, I was coached, not just in figure skating, dance and body maintenance, but also how to interact with coaches, other skaters, fans and media. I as taught how to figure out what people wanted from me and to give them that. This has made me a very rich and popular celebrity, but with much of my success being based on non-reality of skating programs and projecting a false image, it is also sometimes lonely.**

**Thank god for Yuuri Katsuki's presence in my life, or I don't know how I would have kept going.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Victor sat at his kitchen table in the early morning quiet, his bare toes nestled in Maccachin's soft fur as he finished the last few bites of his breakfast and sipped at hot green tea.

_Being in Japan and living with Yuuri's family was so different from what I knew. I woke up to smiling faces, people who were genuinely glad I was there. They didn't ask anything of me, but made me feel relaxed and at ease with them. For the first time since being sort of taken under Yakov's wing and guided in my career, I started to understand what it is to have a family. I have been fortunate to have Yakov and Lilia to fill some of the space of the family I never had, but to be taken in and made to feel like a part of Yuuri's family is…such a gift._

He quietly pondered Yuuri's well-meaning questions and his own reticence to answer about his past.

_Yakov always warned me not to focus on the past, but to accept that I didn't start out with a loving family, yet even so, I built a family by my own choices. He is right about that. I chose to live with him, and Lilia always referred to me as their son. Through them, I learned how it feels to receive parental love. And the other skaters who trained under Yakov with me were like siblings. We trained and socialized together, played pranks on each other, argued and had out our differences. It was good in its own way, and it comforted me, but it has nagged at me that I don't know if there is someone out there who still feels an emptiness where I once was, someone to whom I was never Victor, ice skating legend and desired bachelor, but was only that person's baby boy…and then I suddenly wasn't there anymore._

_I feel sad thinking about it._

"Vitya?" Yuuri's sleepy voice said, breaking the Russian out of his reverie, "It's pretty late. Usually, you're already dressed and ready to go by now. Are you okay?"

Victor gave him a welcoming smile.

"I am fine," he assured his concerned fiancé, "I was just thinking."

"Oh?" Yuuri mused, walking to the sink and pouring out some tea for himself, "About what?"

"Hmm, I was thinking more about your question."

Yuuri didn't have to ask what question Victor could be referring to. A little flush rose on his cheeks and he sighed.

"I'm sorry for troubling you."

"You didn't," Victor assured him, "Even if you hadn't asked, it's something I do sometimes reflect on. I think about it and feel sad or lonely because of it. I don't know. Maybe I will need to do something about it. I'm just considering."

"Okay," Yuuri said supportively, "Well, you know I'm here for you."

"Yes, Yuuri, I know that, and it is a great comfort," Victor answered, reaching out to capture the Japanese man's hand and bringing it to his lips for a tender kiss, "Thank you."

The two finished breakfast, then headed over to the ice rink, where Yuuri worked with Yurio on jumps and spins, while Victor trained under Yakov's watchful eyes. He warmed up gently, then skated out to the center of the ice. Yuuri turned to watch.

"First, show me what you came up with for the short program," the old coach suggested.

Victor nodded and moved into position as Yakov started the music his skater had had composed for the routine.

"Singles for the jumps, Vitya. I want to focus on the other elements first."

"Got it," Victor called back.

He waited for the first few beats, then turned out into a little dancing spin, using a complicated set of movements as he gained speed and moved into the first jump.

"This will be a quad lutz," Victor said, performing the jump as a single.

He gathered speed again, changing directions, using a difficult entry into a combination spin.

"Good," Yakov praised him.

"I'm not sure about the step sequence," Victor said, slowing, "I have two different ideas."

"Show me."

Yakov watched one set of moves, then the other.

"I think the second has more fluid movements and fits more perfectly with the music," the old coach reflected.

He shot a scowl at Yuuri, who was watching Victor and ignoring his own practice.

"Since you're watching him instead of working, what do you think?" Yakov snapped in a scolding voice.

"Huh?" Yuuri yelped as Yurio snickered.

"Busted…"

"Eh…ah, I like the second."

"Good, now get back to work and let Vitya concentrate!"

"S-sorry!" Yuuri managed, turning away as Victor smirked and moved closer to his coach.

"That's so mean, Yakov," Victor chuckled, "It's not bad for Yuuri to watch me. It's how he got this far, you know."

"He can watch you when you're not trying to work. You think you can slack off? It's going to be a challenging season. There is a lot of new talent and you aren't getting any younger, you know."

"Ouch!" Victor complained, wincing, "That hurt…"

"Get back out there and show me the step sequence again and add the combination jump at the end of it."

"Okay," Victor sighed, turning away.

But as he began the step sequence again, his mind drifted.

_The sound of voices out in the hallway woke Victor, and he looked around the room he shared with five other orphans. All of the other boys looked to be asleep, so he slipped out of bed, careful to move slowly as he descended the ladder from the top bunk, so that he wouldn't wake his sleeping bunkmate. He tiptoed across the room, listening closely._

"_Did you know about this?" asked a woman's voice that he recognized as that of a new staff member, hired to watch over the children._

"_Of course I did," sighed a man's voice, "All of us who were here when they were brought in were told not to say anything, just to say what the records say…that they were all abandoned or surrendered by parents who couldn't take care of them. Do you think they'll really want to know the truth?"_

"_Don't you think they have a right to know it?" the woman insisted, "There are people out there suffering because they've been told those children were all dead! Euthanized before the authorities could rescue them!"_

"_Right, and given how many years it's been, do you think it's right to tear off the scars and start the bleeding again? And if they did get their kids back, it's not like it would be a fairy tale ending, would it? The ones who remember? They're screwed up in the head. A bunch of them are in asylums. The ones brought here are young enough that they don't remember what might have been done to them. They, at least, could find families and live some kind of normal life. Can you imagine what life would be like for them and their families if they knew? Everyone with a damned camera and a microphone would have it in their face, asking questions and wanting to share their story with the whole world. They'd never have any peace. Anyway, the records have been destroyed, we were told, so there is no way to know who was who or what kid belonged to what parents. My advice to you is to leave it alone. You won't be helping anyone to stir things up, and you just might get yourself into trouble."_

"Vitya!" Yakov shouted, bringing the Russian skater out of his reverie, "I said to do singles on the run through!"

"Oh sorry," Victor apologized sheepishly as he landed the quad flip, triple toe loop combination, "I forgot."

"Well, you need to focus. What is wrong with you today? Your head is in the clouds, or maybe back home in bed, sleeping. Get it together!"

"I said I was sorry," Victor complained as Yakov rattled off a scolding in Russian that managed to make Yuuri's ears burn, even though he couldn't understand the words.

Yuuri turned his attention back to his own practice, trying to tune out the intermittent scoldings that Yakov shouted at Victor.

_He's not wrong about Victor, though. He's off today. I don't know what exactly is bothering him, but his timing, concentration and flow are all being affected, and it's right for his coach to worry, because an older skater is more prone to suffer injuries._

Yuuri's heart skipped a beat as Victor moved on to work on the jumps for his short program and fell on his first triple axel.

"Victor!" Yuuri cried, turning and skating quickly to his fallen partner, "Victor, are you okay?"

Victor gave him a meaningful scowl and hissed something foul in Russian, then let Yuuri help him to his feet.

"Your concentration is off," Yakov observed, "No more jumps for now, not until you get your head together, Vitya."

"What? I just miscalculated the landing a little," Victor complained, "It happens to everyone sometimes. I'm fine. You don't need to…"

"Maybe you should listen to your coach, Vitya," Yuuri offered, shrugging, "You are really not yourself today. No one wants you to get hurt."

"I am not going to get hurt!" Victor snapped, his temper slipping, "I made a miscalculation and fell. It happens to skaters all of the time. No one is perfect. You fall quite often in practice and I don't just tell you to quit and go home!"

"Not when it's just a fall," Yuuri said pointedly.

Victor's teeth clenched and he glared, but he held back from answering…until Yurio skated closer, glaring at Victor.

"Get out of here, you old man," he sneered, scowling, "Go drink yourself into unconsciousness and let the serious skaters work!"

"Yurio!" Yuuri gasped.

To everyone's shock, Victor reached out and grabbed the front of his fellow Russian's uniform and said something heatedly in Russian. Having learned a little bit, Yuuri picked out the meaning.

_Shut up, you little piece of shit! You are younger than me and I will still be beating you for awhile before I retire, because you are a cocky little fuck and you are easy to manipulate!_

Yurio tried to pull away and Victor unexpectedly released him, sending him tumbling to the ice.

"VICTOR!" Yakov shouted, "Go home now!"

Yuuri cringed inwardly at the barely concealed rage in his fiancé's eyes as Victor skated to the edge of the rink and sat down to remove his skates and put on his street shoes, while Yakov continued to scold him.

"I'm going! I'm going!" Victor shouted back, "Go and bug that little punk, Yurio, for awhile and leave me the hell alone, will you?"

Yakov went silent for a moment, reading the agony in his longtime student's expression. His lips quivered very slightly for a moment, then he nodded to Yuuri.

"Take care of him. Whatever is on his mind, you comfort him."

Yuuri's eyes widened and he looked back at Yakov wordlessly for a moment as Victor climbed to his feet and stomped towards the exit.

"I…I will," he said finally, earning a nod from the old coach, "Look, he's been out of sorts because…well, I…we were talking and I was curious because even though Victor's met and even lived with my family, I had no idea what happened with his. I asked him a long time ago, and he said that he would answer me when the season was over and things weren't so busy. When I asked him again, he told me what he knew about himself."

"He told you that?" Yakov asked, looking surprised and careful not to expand on what both now knew they were talking about, "Are you aware that he never speaks about that? It was a terrible thing, but Vitya survived it, and he was identified as a young skating prodigy, so he was able to leave the orphanage and build a new family with all of us. He doesn't remember what happened, does he? I mean, they said that he can't, because he was a baby at the time."

"He doesn't remember anything from then," Yuuri confirmed, "but I think it's been on his mind and that's why he was acting that way."

Yakov let out a long, shaky sigh and nodded.

"It seems that I'll need to talk to him, but before I do, you take Vitya home and you calm him down. Get him calm, and then I will talk to him in the morning."

"Okay," Yuuri agreed, "I'll take care of Vitya, I promise."

He left the skating rink and looked around outside until he found Victor sitting under a tree with Maccachin in his arms. To Yuuri's surprise, he was also smoking a cigarette. Victor spotted him approaching and swiftly dropped the cigarette, crushing it with his foot. Yuuri swallowed hard, looking from the splotch on the ground to Victor's unhappy face.

"Are you…but I guess you're not okay."

Yuuri paused, looking for the right words as Victor looked up at him defeatedly, pain flickering in his blue-green eyes.

"I uh…didn't know you smoked."

"I usually don't," Victor sighed, "It's just an old kind of misbehavior I did to annoy Yakov sometimes or to calm down. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't."

"You're in pain," Yuuri said quietly, "I can tell that you're still upset from what we talked about before."

"Yuuri, I don't want to…"

"You don't have to talk about it. Just…take my hand and come with me. You've seen me through my anxiety, my problems. Let me be there for you."

Victor's eyes lowered to watch as a tiny bit of smoke escaped the wreckage of the crushed cigarette, then he looked back at Yuuri and extended a pale hand. Yuuri gave him a sad smile and helped him to his feet, slipping an arm around him as the two headed back home with Maccachin on their heels.

They arrived at the house a short time later and paused in the entry. Yuuri turned to close and lock the door, then he wrapped his arms warmly around his fiancé and offered him a slow, tender kiss.

"Yuuri, I was just smoking," Victor complained, trying to turn his head away, only to have a hand capture his cheek and bring his mouth back to his stubborn lover's.

"I will _always_ kiss you," Yuuri whispered, kissing him again, "no matter what you've had in your mouth."

"I should know that," Victor said in a shaky giggle, "after how many times I’ve had your cock in my mouth, and then you kissed me after."

"Yeah, well that taste is a lot more pleasant than cigarette taste, so I hope you won't smoke anymore."

Victor sighed again and burrowed into Yuuri's shoulder, sagging against him.

"All right," he agreed, "I'll try not to. I just feel…lost. I don’t know what is the right thing to do."

“Shh,” Yuuri breathed, “it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“How can you say that, when…?” Victor began, his eyes filling with tears of frustration.

“I can say it, because I know how strong and determined you are, and I know how much our love can accomplish. Whatever happens, whatever you decide to do…somehow, everything will be okay. You can have faith in that. You can have faith in us, Vitya.”

“I do,” Victor promised, tears leaking onto his pale face, “I am just…”

“Anxious,” Yuuri supplied, giving his lover a knowing smile as he brushed Victor’s tears away with tender fingertips, “Worried about what might happen. I know. But you aren’t alone. You know that I am here…and Yakov and Lilia, your friends…”

Smiles touched their lips as Maccachin barked and lifted himself to lick Victor’s still teary face.

“Yes, and Maccachin too,” Yuuri said reassuringly.

“I’m glad all of you are here for me,” Victor replied sincerely, “I am not saying that all of that isn’t enough. I only worry that…there may be parents who made me, who loved me and who lost me before I could speak to them to tell them that I loved them. I may have siblings I don’t even know, grandparents, cousins…or…I may have been sold. I don’t know, but I feel like the weight from it has been getting steadily harder to bear. For awhile, while I was with your family, I stopped thinking about it. I stopped feeling so lonely. But when I came home to this almost empty house and I thought about your family and how loved they made me feel, I…realized I needed answers. I need them so badly that I may have to take some serious risks to find out what I need to know.”

“Then we’ll face those things together,” Yuuri assured him, “You, me and all of the people who love us. We’re not alone. _You_ are never alone, my Vitya.”

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Victor answered, burying his face in his lover’s shoulder.

Yuuri made himself smile in spite of his lingering worry, gently running his fingers through soft silvery hair. He coaxed his fiancé to meet his eyes again, giving him another tender kiss.

"Come with me, my Vitya."

He led the taller man to the bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as either of them could stand. As tendrils of steam floated in the air around them, Yuuri’s soft hands undressed the Russian skater and himself, his upturned lips smiling as he gazed into hazy eyes with all of the splashes of color of the ocean.

He reached up with one hand and touched his lover's cheek.

"Beautiful."

Yuuri ran his hands gently over the lean muscles that lay under the soft skin.

"So strong."

He pulled Victor into the shower, then placed his hand over the older man's heart, rubbing gentle circles.

"Even stronger."

He thought he saw tears in his fiancé's eyes, though the water from the shower may have been playing tricks on him.

He cupped Victor's face in both hands and kissed him firmly.

"Mine."

“Always,” Victor whispered back.

Yuuri felt the taller man tremble with emotion, and he slid his hands down to that perfect ass, squeezing possessively.

"Also mine."

A surprised laugh burst from his lover, making his heart soar with relief and joy at the sound. Grinning, he squeezed again, coaxing Victor to move against him.

In moments, they were both aroused, sharing slow, deep kisses as they ground against each other. Yuuri gently pushed the Russian against the wall, lifting one long leg so he could prepare him.

He used his fingers to play Victor's body like an instrument, causing slender hands to clench at his shoulders as his idol's head fell back against the wall with a soft cry of pleasure.

Unable to resist the temptation and lure that Victor represented at the moment, Yuuri removed his fingers and shifted forward to slowly bury himself in unbearable softness and heat.

“Yuuri,” Victor moaned, closing his eyes.

“I’m here,” Yuuri reassured him, waiting for his lover to adjust, then moving his hips in slow, gentle thrusts, “I’m right here with you.”

“I feel you h-here with me,” Victor panted, moving with him, “You bring the warmth inside me.”

Yuuri whispered a few lines of Japanese into his ear and Victor lifted his head to look at his lover questioningly.

“You are the sun that lit my world,” Yuuri translated, “but don’t forget that when it’s dark, the moon also shines. I will be the moon that lights the darkness for you. I promise I will!”

“You already do!” Victor said breathlessly as their movements brought him to the edges of bliss.

The two gave in together, holding each other tightly through the heavy shudders of climax. They remained under the water until it began to cool, then Yuuri nudged his sleepy partner out of the shower, where he slowly dried his lover off, then himself, then he walked with Victor to the bed and curled up into the Russian skater’s waiting arms. As he drifted towards sleep, Victor placed a tender kiss on the top of Yuuri’s head.

“Thank you, Yuuri,” he whispered gratefully, “I honestly don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here with me. Thank you. Thank you for loving me.”


End file.
